By Julius Gingles '21
November 17, 2019
Closest Friend,
It feels so good to know You’re my friend. I’m so thankful for Your presence in my life, and nothing could ever take the place of Your friendship. No other person could ever take Your place. You’ve filled my heart with so much love. Not only for You but for my friends, my family, even for those who don’t like me. You've taught me how to be kind, gentle, and loving, regardless of the situation or person. When You first found me in that dark place, You changed me for the better. I was wasting away in my youth but with just one touch from You, I felt more alive than I ever had. You provided me with so much grace. And hey, You still do now! But, there is something I would like to share with you.
I’ll be honest my Friend, I haven’t been feeling so close to You lately. I feel like I’ve been distancing myself from You by filling my time with the things of this world, and allowing them to provide me with the happiness I seek. I look to social media, food, and the approval of others to make me feel joyous but it’s always temporary. It never fills me like Your love and presence do. Please forgive me for that. It’s been about a year and a half since I’ve just truly felt Your embrace.
I wish we could go back to the beginning when things were easier and my desire to spend time with You and learn about You came so naturally. I used to open up Your Word every morning, every night, earnestly seeking to know you more and understand you through your teachings and interactions with others.. It was through Your Word that I was able to grasp what it meant to love my neighbors like myself and to love You with all of my heart, soul, mind, and might (Mark 12:30-31 NIV). Loving You with all of my being and receiving Your love gave me an uncontainable fire in my heart to talk with You whenever I could and to also talk with others about how wonderful You are. Take me back to the start when you won my heart. When I felt peace even in the storm and had no worries. I miss that. I know it’s all my fault.
And I know what You’re going to say. “Julius, I’m still here. I’ve never left. I’m not mad at you. Don’t feel condemned. My love for you has never changed and it never will. Know that my arms are always open, ready to comfort you and embrace you. Just call upon my name.” But for some reason, that’s been so hard to do. I hate that I’ve allowed myself to become so distanced from you.
I think it’s time I gave you a call. I’m tired of neglecting your invitations to come join in on the laughter, love and joy we used to share. I’m ready to accept those invitations and start to commune with You more intentionally. I will give You my time and attention every moment I have the chance to. I will lay down my heart and share with You exactly what is on my mind, even in the times when I’m stubborn and don’t want to talk to You. You promise to never leave my side, and I am so grateful for that. I will learn to sit still and allow Your voice to be heard. I am over trying to formulate the most articulate and perfect words to say to you because I know you care most about what’s in my heart. I want to honor You in that and show you the real me. Give me faith to follow through on these things. I say all of this and plan to keep my word but to be completely honest, I can’t do it without Your help.
I’ll be waiting, confident that you’ll answer. You’ve never forsaken me or given me any reason to doubt you. I trust you.
With much love and blessings.
Thank you Jesus,
Julius